Comments on: Ordinarily Offensive

By: Mrs Lemon

Mrs Lemon — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 22:15:39 +0000

I can say from experience that I have said some of these “no no” phrases to mothers of large families, completely not thinking with both sides of my brain. But Sunday we had a visiting family with 7 children, and I purposefully asked her childrens ages and names and avoided the “no no” phrases. It apparently takes the internet village to raise my awareness of the bigness of my mouth.

By: Courageous Grace

Courageous Grace — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 16:46:27 +0000

Karen, your comment made me think. Although I only have one child so far (6 month old boy), I would probably be someone who would say or think “I don’t know how you manage 3 boys.” This is because I come from a family of women. Most of the women in my family are either divorced or widowed, and for some strange reason very few boys are born into the family.

I have absolutely no idea how to raise a boy, and find it very hard to imagine what life would be like with more than one (although I have a feeling I’m going to find out a few years down the road. Hubby’s family has mostly boys born into it).

So I agree that a lot of comments that can be taken offensively should be considered in the context. In my case, I would never intend offense but would truly wonder how one manages more than one boy, especially close in age. I do pray that should I be blessed with more than one boy that I can handle them half as well as mothers like you.

By: Antique Mommy

Antique Mommy — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 13:50:56 +0000

Excellent and well stated post as always.

I am always saying something unintentionlly stupid and/or offensive, usually trying to be light and funny, so I have an extra measure of grace for bumblers like myself. Although sometimes I have to wait for the sting to abate for the grace to kick in.

On the other hand, it seems to me that sometimes, no matter how precise and eloquent and soft the words, the “hearer” just can’t receive the message because of what’s going on with them. Had that experience just this week with a VBS teacher. It makes me feel helpless and wrangled when that happens.

By: Kelly @ Love Well

Kelly @ Love Well — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 04:32:26 +0000

I’m tickled to have something in common with Az the Great.

Of course, the downside of disregarding the rules is that I often don’t realize when I’ve stepped too close to the boundary. Thankfully, most people seem to weigh intentions before they tar and feather me.

By: Pieces

Pieces — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 17:29:59 +0000

You have described me perfectly. I am afraid to open my mouth for fear of offending anyone. And then I’m afraid that not talking is equally offensive. And then I feel like I can’t win. I wish I was more like Az.

By: PJ

PJ — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 17:04:13 +0000

This is a new one to me. I wouldn’t dream that a large family would have “areas of sensitivity” — Although I do remember babysitting for a week for a friend when I was 8 months pregnant. They were gone for a week and had 5 children ranging from 8 months to 9 years old. I took them to the grocery store and other places and found the shaking heads amusing. I was 23 and it looked like I was about to pop out the 6th kid. I also drove a Volkswagen bug…those days you didn’t have to worry about seat belts. Mouths would fall open as we exited the car. I could see them counting! I suppose if it were really my family, I’d find it annoying. But since it was VERY temporary, I just joined the fun and smiled cheerily at everyone as though I was the happiest mom of a multitude in the world. (Oops this post is probably offensive to moms of big families….sorry….I think.)

By: Elle

Elle — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 15:58:40 +0000

I really liked this post. Both for how it revealed my own foibles and unintentional offenses as much as how it exposed the times I’ve taken offense that was never intended.

As an adoptive mom and as a mom whose first child died, I know I present more than one minefield of conversation for some. The times when I’ve taken every comment, innocuous or not, with either a grain of salt or teaspoon of sugar, this has kept the words from sticking in my craw. The times when I haven’t are not times I’m fond of remembering.

Thankfully, the Lord matures each one of us when truly seeking to speak words seasoned with grace.

By: edj

edj — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 05:41:38 +0000

Some of your other comments have already said it so well–it’s best to assume the happiest meaning to potentially rude comments. Also, I agree that more is communicated through tone and body language than through actual words. Studies have shown we take less than 1/2 the meaning from words as opposed to all the other
That said, although I only have 3 kids, I had them awfully close together and I’ve gotten my fair share of rude comments. My favorites were the ones that assumed I hadn’t finished high school. And of course, I’m sure I’ve made my fair share of unintentionally rude comments too!

By: Veronica Mitchell

Veronica Mitchell — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 03:02:23 +0000

HG, that is MORTIFYING. I am cringing vicariously for you. I hope the students were able to chalk it up to inexplicable teacher instead of feeling hurt by it.

By: Happy Geek

Happy Geek — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 02:23:39 +0000

Veronica I could have used your tutoring before I referred to my entire class as monkeys in front of my African American principal. They were just being noisy as they raised their hands and I told them they sounded like monkeys.
She and I had a “little talk.” I don’t think I’ve ever apologized so much in my life.