Male Post-Partum Depression?
First, let me say that I know depression is real. I have written about my own struggles with depression, and I understand how overwhelming and dangerous it can be. I also know that depression can be triggered by major life changes, even good changes. I am not ridiculing the fact that some men get depressed and seek help for it.
But calling it Male Post-Partum Depression? Please.
Men do not have post-partum depression. Men do not experience partus. A man can have post-partum depression like I can have prostate cancer. He does not have the requisite parts.
Add to that the bad writing in the article and it gets downright ridiculous. He can’t stand the sound of the baby screaming! Imagine! The sound that humans are genetically programmed to find the single most annoying noise on the planet, and he doesn’t like it! Shocking. He can’t stand the smell of a sweaty, poopy baby! Neither can I. Clearly, I have Male PPD.
People prone to depression can experience it at any point in life, and the added pressures of life with a baby could undoubtedly contribute to it. But calling a man’s depression PPD disrespects the reality of women’s experience. It is insulting. What he experiences is NOT just a male version of the hormone-induced depression that many women go through. Calling it Male PPD trivializes the challenges and troubles unique to women.
That’s not therapy; that’s ideological quackery.
Jane @ What About Mom
This isn’t the exact same thing, but my brother (who’s in med school) was telling me that ADD is on the way out (of fashion). Nowadays everyone has ADHD instead.
Blog Antagonist
I thoroughly agree with your asessment.
I would call that situational depression. The situation being, they are realizing that they days of me, me, me are over.
colicmommy
I had real PPD bad after the birth of my third.
Men cannot get what I had.
They can get depressed, clinically depressed, whatever, but until the day when a man has a panic attack every time he nurses his baby, and has panic attacks in bed waiting for the baby to wake up to nurse….well, then, he can’t have PPD.
I agree with you.
Jeana
I’m with Blog Antagonist, except I would probably label it Adult Situational Syndrom. You know, he’s an…
Karen
I read that article as well. It struck me as a strange, misguided attempt to make everything fair by making it the same.
TeacherMommy
Fair and equal does not mean “the same”! I think that’s one of the weird sad side effects of the search for gender equality–people start thinking that equality means we have to be identical. Women can’t be exactly like a male, though we can be treated as ideological equals. Males can’t be exactly like a female, either.
I’ve been blessed in never having PPD, though I’ve struggled with non-clinical (i.e. chemical) depression. Nevertheless, I find this concept absolutely insulting. Male PPD? HA!
Courtney
i must say i agree 100%! I suffered PPD and it was horrible and took a very long time to get over. To think that a man can claim to it make me furious. As you stated they do not have the part to even claim this. I dont know what more to say but this is such a great post thanks!
Kat
I completely agree! It is understandable for a man to be depressed after a new baby is in the family what with all the lack of sleep, crying, stress, and sometimes lack of closeness to spouse, but that is NOT the same thing as PPD.
patois
Sounds a lot like the excuse men have for putting on pounds during their wives’ pregnancies.
Beth
I agree!
zoom
PULEEZE. Raging hormones whatever one’s age are beyond the scope of any man. Going through menopause, I have heard people say that men go through a type of menopause. I would challenge any man to stand in a suit, in front of a client, and have a hot flash.
If I sound a little bitter or angry, just think of me as the Kathy Bate’s character in Fried Green Tomatoes ramming a small compact vehicle with a monster station wagon.
Herb of Grace
Dittoes to Karen.
Beck
Banging head on my desk.
That’s just dumb. Geez, people these days! Stop being so freaking wussy. Dad’s depressed after mom has a baby? He’s just plain ol’ DEPRESSED.
Brother-in-Law
As a father with 5 kids, I think I should have a say in this argument.
And, well, I completely agree with ya’ll. I don’t have a uterus, nor the resulting change in hormones from having it vacated. At best (worst?) I may have depression brought about by my own imbalances coupled with sleepless nights and an infant’s formidable onslaught of poo and screaming. But my depression will not be due to the baby leaving my own uterus.
That’s just plain silly.
bro…
Miscellaneous From Missy
Exactly!
ewe_are_here
I’m with you. PPD is not something that men can suffer from. Depression, sure. But not PPD. Talk to me when they can give birth.
The Diaper Diaries
Dang, I love you.
carrien (she laughs at the days)
I agree with you too. They may get depressed, but it’s not from post-partum. lol
And I have had similar bouts of depression as you. Usually during pregnancy, not after. I was always going to drive off the road at this one little spot near my in-laws when I was alone in the car. Experimantally jiggled the wheel a few times. But there was this baby kicking me in the gut. And it wasn’t my car…
It’s a dark dark place when you are there. I finally understood why murder suicide happens.
Emily
That article annoyed the heck out of me, too. It does trivialize what women experience. And it is just so insanely DUMB to say that they can have the medical problem that is caused by post BIRTH hormones!
John
As a man who’s got 1 month old twins and contemplates suicide nearly every day, you people arguing about what to call it, and turning it into some gender based political argument of “trivializing the female experience” are just plain misguided and mean. Fuck you all.
Beth at I Should Be Folding Laundry
I certainly agree with everyone here. (Well everyone except John’s “fuck you all.”)
Situational depression because the life changing event that has taken place, for sure.
What I learned after losing the James and Jake, is that men put their emotions, their EVERYTHING on the back burner for their family. I constantly worried about Brian and his emotional state. Shoot, I still worry about. Not only do they put their feelings on the back burner, but really, Dad is put on the back burner and that in itself is hard for some to deal with.
Brian
Wow… I can only imagine how much joy you ladies bring into your husband’s lives, and when they finally conclude that you offer little or no support for what to them (if not you, clearly), is quite real and they freak out and run away to join the circus or their 22 yr old secretary, don’t wonder why.
First off, as a new father, I don’t wish or consider doing either. But, if my wife was as narcissistic about maintaining the copyright on a particular medical term, I’d definitely feel pretty friggin’ resentful. The term, as it is applied (or misapplied to stop you all from frothing at the mouth), is otherwise meaningless to us guys. It simply allows for a more specific Google search. Not much insight available when you search simply ‘depression’ when you know a more specific set of terms are more applicable.
I’m amazed you ladies twist what he/daddy is going through as some sort of attack on what you are going through (Not too self-involved, huh?) So let’s call it MPBWTF syndrome. (Male Post Birth WTF Syndrome). Does that make you feel better? Less diminished? Less “Hey, he’s trying to steal my syndrome, Damn it, you men are always trying to show us up”.
Call it whatever you want, whatever he wants, call is Fish Ice cream if it gets your oversized, mean spirited, granny panties out of a bunch. Family is a team, and it is possible for each member mom, dad and baby to be going through something very severe, very personally disruptive and overwhelming without intentionally trying to steal mom’s ‘postpartum’ thunder. Trust a tired stressed new dad, we wholly concede that you are the grandmasters of psycho, hormone driven, ego-maniacal maniacs when you are struck by post partum. You win… We could never approach your level of unpredictability, meanness, or self-involvement, even if it isn’t your fault.
But until Google raises the profile of the search term MPBWTF syndrome, could you please shut up take, your hormone treatments and just nod and smile as your male half deals with his issues too. And if it makes you feel any better, we are more than willing to share such joys as Jock itch, prostrate cancer, erectile dysfunction, and BWS (Bitchy Wife Syndrome with you. Hey, we’re family, sharing is caring.
Brian in NJ
Mary-LUE
Possible responses to the birth of a baby and who can experience them:
Overwhelmed yet full of joy because of how much you love the little rugrat. (Moms and Dads)
Overly stressed causing various responses including depression. (Moms and Dads)
Serious emotional issues to due the stresses causing unsafe, inappropriate choices/behavior. (Moms and Dads)
Post-partum Depression, a severe hormonal imbalance causing multiple symptoms ranging in nature from mild to dangerous. (Moms)
A Google search term that is inappropriate and inaccurate for the sake of making it easier for people to read about men who suffer ill effects from the birth of a child is not reasonable. I cannot think of another example but I cannot imagine that anyone suffering from any legitimate medical condition would want the name of that condition co-opted for the sake of someone else’s convenience.
Finally, calling names is not nice and unnecessary. Responding to a post you disagree with and casting an entire group of women into the shrew category is silly.