No, I have not had the baby yet. Thanks for not asking.
I snapped at a very nice woman in church today.
I had been dreading church a little this morning. I am enormous, and I knew I would get a lot of questions like “Haven’t you had that baby yet?” I hate those comments.
Sure enough, in my first five minutes I heard comments from four people. I realize that they are just trying to make conversation - and managing their own disappointment a little, because everyone wants to meet the new baby - but when the first person commented dramatically on me still being pregnant, I growled something like, “Do you know how often I DON’T EVEN WANT TO COME TO CHURCH because of comments like that?”
Yes, dear readers. I talk a good game, but the truth is that sometimes I am the grouch in church.
The woman I snapped at is actually one of my favorite people, and after the service she came up to me in fellowship hall. “Veronica,” she said, “I have never been pregnant a day in my life and I don’t know what you’re going through. I am just so amazed at what your body can do, and a little envious. And I’m sorry for making a comment that upset you.”
Can you see why she’s one of my favorite people?
Of course, I felt like an even bigger heel then, and reassured her that she had no reason to apologize when I was just being a grouch. If everyone apologized for everything that got the cranky pregnant behemoth upset, life would just get far too complicated. And I would be an even bigger heel.
So now I am home, still full-to-nearly-bursting with baby, but also remembering to be a little nicer to people. Az the husband will be relieved.
(And for the many of you who commiserated with him, you will be happy to know that Az’s company outing was cancelled at the last minute. Our pastor suggests this is further evidence for the existence of God.)
chickadee
you poor thing. i know exactly how you feel. right now i’m pretty tired of people at church touching my belly and saying, man you’re getting a lot bigger than you did with the first three. (tell me something new!)
JulieC
My best friend would say that you’ve reached the Michelin Tire Man stage of pregnancy. I secretly love that you barked at someone today–I always wanted to take a swing at the people who patted my belly. How would they like it if I had patted their bellies? (I think I have personal space issues.)
anne
Oh, Veronica, you are my hero. I wish I’d had the moxie to say that when I got those comments.
Maybe you will inspire me to say something, er, inspired when people now come to my house uninvited and ask “where’s the baby? Let me see the baby!” (Better yet, I should just not answer the door!)
Veronica Mitchell
C’mon! She’s a nice lady and I was crabby! Stop admiring me!
Kimberly
Eh. Ok, you were crabby. And not very polite.
There. Happy now?
But the cool thing is that she actually came up and talked to you again and you guys were able to get past her insensitivity and your crabbiness. THAT is a good thing. Most people can’t get over themselves enough to really do the apologizing, etc.
Here’s to hoping the next few days (weeks?) won’t be too hot and bothering for you (on the weather OR the kid front.)
Carrie of Ceaseless Praises
I always hated those comments, too. I mean, hello, I’m hugely pregnant, does it LOOK like I had the kid?
There was this one guy (!) at church who would always say something totally inappropriate like, “Popped that kid out yet?” It was so awkward.
suburbancorrespondent
I don’t know why this particular scenario never made me grouchy. I used to love hearing all the excuses people would make to call or drop by just so they could see if I had had the baby yet. I think I just crave attention. Hang in there!
chaotic joy
Oh Veronica. I was just a miserable bear most of my pregnancy and had a lot of apologizing to do when it was over. I am sure you felt about 3 inches high after her gracious apology. But take it easy on yourself.
One time I tore the head off of a sales associate at Target while I was trying on maternity clothes. She had the nerve to imply maybe I didn’t need all those new summer clothes as the baby would be here any day now. I was six months, burst into tears and almost got the poor girl fired.
So you could be worse. I was.
Mad
It’s a truth universally acknowledged: when faced with a full-to-bursting pregnant woman, always state the obvious.
Mad
That comment was supposed to be funny but now I don’t think it sounded that way. Allow me, instead, to create a distraction: I just learned that my blog pops up when one googles the expression “boob hat.” I think I will refer to myself as such each time I leave a comment somewhere that I think is funny but that is, in reality, lame. Oy, I am such a boob hat.
Veronica Mitchell
Mad, I laughed. I knew it was funny. But I would be honored to call you boob hat if you like.
Heidi
I always have such a wonderful ability to put things in perspective when I’m not pregnant, but when I’m pregnant, don’t expect anything.
Seriously, I’m not just grouchy. I’m totally unreasonable. I know it, too, I just can’t help it.
Tonggu Momma
So… haven’t you had that baby yet???
(Just testing you. And showing others that I, like Mad, am a Boob Hat.)
angela michelle
At one point I noticed people were stopping mid-sentence to stare as I passed by–rendered speechless by my hugeness–and I refused to go out any more. Those last few days and weeks are madness! Hang in there!
Rocks In My Dryer
I remember, at the end of my pregnancy with #3, my pastor (of all people!) came up to my gigantic belly and said, “Wow, you must have a little linebacker in there.” And I said, “Really, REALLY? Aren’t you a man of God, or something, required to say only things of great usefulness and comfort?” Actually, no I didn’t say that. But I thought it.
Lisa
Okay, I followed Suburban Correspondant’s bloglist to find you (I hope you don’t mind), and I have to say that this post made me laugh out loud. I could have written this post, except for the fact that my youngest is almost 8 and so obviously I didn’t. I so agree with the stupid- things- people- say- to- pregnant- women annoyance factor.
Great blog you’ve got here. Thanks for letting me drop by.
edj
When I was pg with the twins, people in the grocery store would say, “Any day now!” when I was 5-6 months along and it didn’t go over very well. At least you were able to talk to her afterwards.
I liked Mad’s comment.
Beck
I burst into tears once when someone asked me if I was pregnant with twins. Oh, and the other day when someone asked me if I was plain ol’ pregnant. No. Fat. Thanks.
Melanie @ BeanPaste
During both my pregnancies I stopped attending church two Sundays before my due date because I just couldn’t bear to discuss my stomach or the baby or the relative size of either.
And now, when I see a woman who is right up on her due date, the only thing I ever tell her is, “Wow! You look so great. You’re beautiful,” while looking her straight in the eye.
It really should be in the Bible.
Bon
i think i’m due a little behind you (i’m just rounding on 36 weeks) but for the past month i’ve been hearing “wow, you’re gonna pop!” i don’t mind, horribly - i know i’m a behemoth - but the look of horror and disappointment that crosses their faces when i say “well…seven weeks/five weeks/a month to go” is truly depressing.
Kelly @ Wisdom Begun
I love how people think they can say whatever they want to a pregnant woman. And they wonder why we get all snappy?!
SarahHub @ Oakbriar Farm
Sounds like you just said what so many moms-to-be think when they hear these comments. Luckily, you said it to a saint!
Sue
I’m always that clueless chirpy lady. “How are you feeeeeeling,” I’ll ask in a dramatically sympathetic voice. “You must be SO ready to have that baby.”
Later on I feel stupid, but in the moment I always think I’m just being nice. I think it’s because I’m so bad at small talk and I just say the first thing that pops into my head. It’s a disease.
Shalee
When asked about the “haven’t you had that baby yet?” question, I always responded with, “You mean that I look this big all the time?!!!”, adding a laugh with the words.
Some people just don’t think. I’m positive that I’m one of those people, despite going through a couple of pregnancies.
Janice (5 Minutes for Mom)
oh girl - {{{HUGS}}} and I hope you get to hold that baby in your arms soon.
Olivia came early - what a considerate little angel - and poor Susan was still swollen and miserable and had to wait two more weeks for Sophia to come. Poor Susan was even with me when I delivered, knowing she still had to go through hers. I got my yummy little baby and she had to wait.
And thank you for reminding me NOT to say that to a pregnant woman.