I don’t think Mary used a bottle
I was a new mother, harried and tired and trying to finish errands when my daughter started crying. She was only a month old, persistently underweight, and she demanded to be fed once every hour. There was little gas in the car, and I had only a few dollars. I needed a place to nurse her.
With a grateful flash of memory I recalled a nearby coffeehouse. “The owners are Buddhist,” I thought to myself. “I will be welcome to feed my baby there.” I drove to the coffeehouse, carried in my baby and ordered a cup of coffee. I found a seat and asked the owner politely if I would bother anyone if I breastfed my baby. He was quickly reassuring.
There were two other people working there that day, both teenagers. The boy walked by me, staring straight ahead fixedly. I think he was trying to be polite. The girl was behind the counter, and I heard her telling the owner, in tones of contempt, how “gross” breastfeeding was. He gave her a gentle lecture on the benefits and “naturalness” of feeding a baby this way. I fed and comforted my daughter, gathered up my things and left.
I have thought about this several times since then. Imperfect as it was, that coffeehouse was a haven for me on a difficult afternoon. Our state had not yet passed its law guaranteeing women the right to breastfeed their children in public, and my baby was desperate to eat.
There is sadness in the memory, too. I cannot think of it without also realizing a small heartbreak: that no desperate mother has ever said to herself, “That’s a Christian-owned business. I’ll be welcome to feed my baby there.”
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Lindsay at Suburban Turmoil has been writing about breastfeeding and asking her readers for their stories. Her comments and her column are worth reading.
Tags: breastfeeding
Scribbit
Interesting, I’d never thought of the religion element in regards to breastfeeding. I don’t understand, even if the sight of someone breastfeeding in public made you uncomfortable, how a decent person could justify being rude to someone else over the matter.
Regardless of your feelings you still have a responsibility to be kind and polite.
Jennifer
Excellent analysis.
This NIP debate is so strange to me. Here it is not an issue. At all. As I wrote to Lindsay in response to her call for stories, no one really discusses it here. It would be like discussing whether you’d eat a ham sandwich on a bench at the park or prefer to take your sandwich home and eat it in the privacy of your own kitchen. Yeah, you’d be more comfortable, but why schlep all the way there to eat alone, when you can stay on the bench and let your friends keep you company.
Poppy Fields
I was once in a very full and touristy town, Monte Carlo, with my 3 week old daughter, and the only quiet calm place I could find to breastfeed and calm her was in the back pew of an open, but empty cathedral. A few tourists wandered in while I was feeding her, but no one seemed shocked. I’ve always wondered what the priest would have thought.
Kit
I had two of my babies in London and one here in South Africa. I fed my babies wherever I happened to be at the time they were hungry, in cafes, on park benches, even in a museum and never even thought that it might be a problem.
The only time I evet noticed embarrassment around breastfeeding, was when relatives were visiting me at home. A sixty year old man was definitely rather taken aback that I fed my baby there in the living area in front of everyone, rather than retiring to my bedroom. That was the first and last time that it was ever an issue.
Karen
Oh dear, I’m afraid you are right. I’m afraid that no one besides other Christians would even know or care if a business in my area were Christian owned - and if they did they might consider it a reason to not take choose to take refuge there. It is a bit sad.
Randi
It surprises me to hear a story like this. Most women are very modest when they nurse in public and I don’t know why it bothers people so much!
Beck
My church actually removed one of the back pews to make space for a rocking chair for nursing mothers (aka, me). It really, really meant a lot to me.
Antique Mommy
I can’t even believe there has to be a law about whether or not a woman can breastfeed in public. It just makes no sense to me. Especially given the fact that breasts and cleavage are everywhere else you look today, even in church.
Blog Antagonist
I’ll never understand what is “gross” about nursing a baby. Even when I was a young girl and teenager, I always thought it was a beautiful thing.
Then again, I had positive breastfeeding rolemodels. My mother was a strong breastfeeding advocate (she breastfed us in an era when it just wasn’t done) and several of my older adult cousins breastfed their babies openly.
I couldn’t wait to have my own baby to breastfeed because it seemed like such a special way to bond.
You’re right about the Christian thing. I got a lot of flack from Husband’s very devout Christian relatives for still breastfeeding at 6 months.
Pieces
There will be a day when that coffee shop girl will remember her words with shame. I predict it to be the first day she nurses her own child.
Thank you for sharing your story. Your closing remark is, sadly, so true.
Lynanne
I agree with Pieces. I’m so sorry that this keeps happening to you. Don’t give up. It’s incidents like these that help educate people. When you hear the comments, try to gaze upon your babe and smile (even if you have to grit your teeth through the smile.)
luckyzmom
I was never uncomfortable breastfeeding my children. I also never wanted to make anyone else uncomfortable when I did so. Therefore I was appropriately discreet and considerate wherever I breastfed. I could latch them on with no one being the wiser.
ewe are here
I’m not breastfeeding, but I still go bonkers whenever I hear of anyone being hassled for doing so in a public location. It is the most natural thing in the world, and I hope that teenage girl has figured that out by now.