Adventure in High-Brow Parenting
I took the girls to the art museum recently. It was a cold, windy day, much too cold to play outside, and we were feeling a little stir crazy, so we loaded into the car and headed out for some culture.
Some things in the art museum are easy to explain. JellyBean and Sweetpea love pictures of children, so things like this are a big hit. “That’s a boy and a girl playing in the water.” Simple.
Historical themes get a little tricky with a three-year-old and a twenty-month-old. There is no easy, non-scary way to explain the reason a white artist called this one Unwelcome Guest.
And how on earth do I explain the back story on this?
The legend is that John Chrysostom, while a hermit living in the forest, gave shelter to a princess one night. Overcome with fear that he would violate his chastity vow, he murdered her instead by tossing her over a cliff. Then he wandered the wilderness like a beast, in grief and penance over his crime. He was finally restored to sanity when a newborn baby in a nearby village miraculously spoke, saying that only John Chrysostom could baptize him.
Yeah. I just sorta skipped that one when explaining to the kids.
I am a Philistine at heart, so I just told them this one was “a big box” and that the artist was “silly.”
I tried: “If a migraine could be a painting, it would look like this.”
By this point I think I’d given up. I said: “I think I’ve seen something like this hanging in my OBGYN’s office.”
Such is art commentary from Veronica, harried mother of two (and a half). If you take your young’uns to a museum anytime soon, let me know how it goes.
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Anonymous
Ha, I would like to go to a museum with you, I like your explications. I once took my girls to see an expo of two dutch artists, I can’t remember which ones right now, but it was so morose and scary for them, that we were out of there in about five minutes.
Anonymous
I would probably go the route of asking them what they see in each painting. The Unwelcome Guest actually looks like a nice little camping scene (unless the facial expressions are hostile - I can’t tell from here).
If they ask to hear the story, a lot of very serious issues can be boiled down to a truth that a child can relate to.
For the Unwelcome Guest, I would probably say that the men are worried because they don’t know the other man and aren’t sure if he will be nice to them.
For the John Chrysostom one, I would say that the man was feeling very sad because he knew he had been unkind to someone, and that being with a tiny baby made him feel better because babies are never unkind.
With the abstracts, I would say that different people think different kinds of things are beautiful, and it’s okay for us not to have the same opinions. I would ask them what kinds of things are beautiful to them.
Anonymous
My husband is an artist. My husband the artist does scary, scary sculptures. We don’t have any of them displayed in our house because I don’t want to terrify my young children - but I also feel like a jerk. A big, husband non-supporting jerk.
Small kids to an art museum, eh? That’s one of our plans for this summer, but I’m going to map it out beforehand so we can just stick to the non-creepy wings. Censoring the world one museum at a time - that’s me.
Anonymous
I can’t wait to take WB to a museum/gallery/whatever. I plan on making up all variety of bizarre stories about the paintings. Super fun, no doubt.
CereneOne
I think you did a fabulous job with the descriptions. High five to you!
Julie
Oh ha ha, Veronica, your commentary is hilarious!
The last time I took a kid to the art museum (my son, then 5yo) they pounced on us the minute we walked in. “Wow, a kid in the art museum,” they said. “We’re just about to do a photo shoot in the Japanese tea room and we’d love to have a kid to participate in the tea ceremony.” They had it all set up with flood lights and a woman in a kimono, etc. etc. Later they sent us a copy of their annual report with the photo in it. And my son has resisted art museums ever since, even though he loves art.
edj
I dunno, I think that was some brilliant commentary. I’ll take art history from you any day
Anonymous
Excellent commentary. I, too, would love to spend a day at a museum in your company.
My son has been to a few museums, but he was far too young to require explanations. Just frequent feedings.
Kristi
Our art experiences have included the phrases “Look at that scribble scrabble, what a mess!” and “Yes darling, I’m sure you could make that if you tried.”
Abstract art appreciator, I am not.
Antique Mommy
There will be time enough later for some pompous ass of an art history professor to bore them into oblivion and make them feel stupid with non-sensical artspeak in college. Now is the time for colorful commentary. I say this as a person with more credit hours in art history than is reasonable.
Robbin
I am waiting until Harry is a tiny bit older to take him to an art museum. So far musical performances are more his speed. He does sit very still for anything musical and it warms my heart that he seems to appreciate far, far more than just the “children’s” variety.
Anonymous
I just noticed your reflection in that last picture. Finally you reveal yourself!
Anonymous
I just noticed your reflection in that last picture. Finally you reveal yourself!
Pieces
Ah, great commentary. I particularly like your summation of the migraine one. A perfect description.