Comments on: Motherhood As Death

By: bea

bea — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 02:24:27 +0000

This is the second post I’ve read on this subject this week. The first one cited a study on widowhood that showed that men and women have different reasons for remaining single after widowhood - the men tended to cite health problems as the main reason, while the women associated remarriage with a loss of freedom. Kate Chopin’s “Story of an Hour” dramatizes much the same concept.

I don’t personally feel I’m exceptionally subject to that pattern of excessive service to others. I’m pretty unsquelchable too.

By: edj

edj — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 23:08:20 +0000

I actually didn’t like Stepping Heavenward. The woman just bugged me.

By: Alice

Alice — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 13:49:25 +0000

Whew. I was a little trepidatious about speaking ill of Passion & Purity. That book was highly revered when I was in college, yet when I read it I thought, “Wha…huh?!”

I highly recommend Stepping Heavenward — other than the Bible, it is the book that has influenced me most. (sample quote: “I would like to know if there is any reason on earth why a woman should learn self-forgetfulness which does not also apply to a man?”) It was written by the same woman who wrote the hymn “More Love to Thee.”

Anyway, enjoying this discussion! (and thanks for the comment on my blog!)

By: Heidi

Heidi — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 02:46:58 +0000

And I meant”fairly non-judgemental” in a nice way, not in a needly, nasty way. I can guess how you feel about the topic, but you didn’t smack me over the head with it.

Just clarifying.

By: Heidi

Heidi — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 02:44:04 +0000

Thank you. That was what I needed to read today–even if the answers are different for everyone, I needed to think about how I feel about the issues of sacrifice and “death” in marriage and motherhood.

Even though I chose to stay home with our children and worked for several years outside of the home before I did choose to stay at home, I still feel like sometimes my life’s main purpose is to make other people’s lives possible.

I think it’s a real dilemma that most mothers (working or stay-at-home) deal with at different times. So, thank you for your thoughtful and fairly non-judgmental approach to the issue.

By: Veronica Mitchell

Veronica Mitchell — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 19:34:24 +0000

Alice, I haven’t read Stepping Heavenward. And my dissertation-that-will-never-be-finished was on issues surrounding women’s aggressive sexuality in the Hebrew Bible, so i completely disagree with Elliot’s stance in Passion and Purity that women’s sexuality should be strictly receptive.

And I watched that Wendy Hiller movie too and loved it - that’s actually what made me read the book.

By: Alice

Alice — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 18:17:25 +0000

I love All Passion Spent (beautiful movie version w/ Dame Wendy Hiller too!) Sackville-West recognizes the complexity of the role of wife/mother. There is much joy and love in it, yet great sacrifice. It would have been easy for her to create a dissatisfied character in Lady Slane, but she is not. Merely wistful (and willing, at 85! to make courageous life changes).

There is a joy in sacrifice and service, but I find it is not enough and quickly becomes dissatisfying when focused on my family members, much as I love them. However, if I am doing them for Christ Himself–it becomes much easier.

I struggle with Elisabeth’s Elliot’s writing/views, frankly (esp. Passion & Purity). I always seem to see contradictions there. I’m interested–have you ever read the book “Stepping Heavenward” by Elizabeth Prentiss? It is so dear to me (E. Elliot wrote the forward); I’d love to hear your take on it if you have…

By: Pieces

Pieces — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 18:15:00 +0000

Fabulous. Very thought provoking. I can honestly say that (so far) the Loved hasn’t squelched any part of my dreams or personality. I can’t say the same for him. He jokes that I am the dream crusher. Mostly because he dreams about doing things that are financially impossible. He knows it but he stills blames me.

I know older women that would be totally set free to do what they desire if their husbands died. So is it generational? Or will we all get there when we are older?

By: edj

edj — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 02:27:09 +0000

Very interesting post and comments!
One thing I think we lose sight of is that Jesus commended Mary, not Martha, as having chosen the better way…yet Martha was fulfilling a typical womenly role. He is always more concerned with our relationship to him first; after that come other relationships.

By: Kimberly

Kimberly — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 12:54:09 +0000

I can’t help but comment, AGAIN, on this post. I was thinking more of Sherri’s comment and my thoughts on “being real”. One of the positive, though perhaps not “fun”, things about a good marriage is the “iron sharpening iron” thing.

If both partners are trying to live rightly, and are actually able to submit to each other in love, they will become better partners and parents.

I always wonder, when the whole “sexual identity” issue arises (which it did recently in some friends of ours who have six children for Pete’s sake) what would happen if the woman, for a change, said, “you know, I am tired of this whole mom thing. It wasn’t what I thought it would be, so I am going to go off so that I can be true to me.” I suspect that people would mostly think she was horridly selfish. But those same people applaud the sexually conflicted man for being true to himself.

That is probably food for a whole other post (which I am not going to write as my blog is mostly defunct.)